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~WeEvolve In Relationships: From Conflict To True Love~

WeEvolve In Relationships: From Conflict To True Love


I was out for dinner with a friend a while ago and she asked me several interesting questions:

“Why are relationships one of the most difficult experience there is?”

“Why do we have such deep, innate desire to seek romantic relationships or loving partners?”

“Why is it that at some level we feel incomplete unless we are in an intimate relationship with another?”

How do we create peace in our relationships?

The following is what transpired.

As humans, we are undergoing an evolutionary impulse towards self-realization. The user manual is built within us. It is the all pervading, infinite conscious intelligence of our Essence. More and more of us are participating in this awakening consciously and actively, and are providing a map or template for those who are awakening every day. Intimate relationships provide a very powerful context or arena for our personal awakening.

Are YOU consciously participating in your own “awakening?”

As we awaken, we realize how strong of a hold our mind, and its limiting beliefs and patterns or ego/personality, has had over us. Self Actualization is the realization that you are not your mind and its programming, but the infinite, limitless consciousness of Source, individualized as YOU! You are a powerful being of love, peace, and joy.
You learn about the true nature of this Universal Divine Intelligence as it moves and comes into existence within you through your life experiences, through your connections with others, particularly intimate relationships.

Intimate Relationships are the perfect mirror that reflects back to you what you need to transform within you to fulfill your highest purpose of realizing your true self, and to create the love, passion, and peace you so deeply want to experience. In living your intimate relationships, you have the opportunity to learn about the programming of your mind that causes suffering and conflict. When you are able to identify the mental, and emotional underlying structures and patterns that generate dissatisfaction, criticism and conflict in your intimate relationships, you are more easily able to transform/retrain you mind to fulfill the purpose that it was meant for, which is to be a conduit of your higher consciousness. Your higher consciousness knows only unconditional love, peace, compassion, understanding, allowing, clarity, wisdom, truth, and joy, what it takes to create and sustain an authentic relationship

The content of your mind: thoughts, beliefs, values, as well as the world “out there”, including relationships, are always reflections of who you are. The reflection, just like a mirror, shows you whatever is in you that is out of alignment with the true essence of who you are. If you experience issues and yu are unhappy in your relationships, because you are functioning from a level of disconnection from your True Authentic / Essence Self! Remember everything “out there” is a reflection of what is going on inside.

Intimate relationships provide the most powerful context for working through all of the issues and fears that stand in the way of ultimately experiencing your Source, which is the place inside of you that is free of conflicts, fear, struggle, and guilt. You attract into your life the partner who will perfectly reflect (the mirror) what fears, struggle, conflict, and guilt that are in your way. By working through them, healing them and transforming them, you can then be free. Free to become master of your whole self and life, to co-create patterns and habits that serve your highest purpose, and facilitate manifestation of your ultimate life. The underlying force that allows this unconscious process to unfold is love. Your soul’s love and desire for you to return back to your authentic state of Being, creates the scenarios in your life that will provide the opportunities necessary for this process. Every situation and person along your life’s path is an opportunity for the awakening and remembrance of your authentic nature, no matter what its appearance or enfoldment.

We all want to confirm and experience our existence by primarily loving and being loved. We attract a partner with whom we will be able to experience that with. Love goes out there and calls love back to itself. For a period of time that lasts approximately six months to a year (romantic stage), love seems to be what we live for. We live the magic and the bliss of “being in-love.” However, this magic does not seem to last forever, as a matter of fact, after some months, it seems to evaporate, or run away somewhere, and in its place there is something else left: disappointment, anger, blame and conflict.
“What happened? Why did the dream end? What went wrong, or what is wrong with me, or better, what is wrong with him/her?”  Are these are the questions that plague you around this time of apparent demise of your relationship? This is when it becomes challenging to maintain passion, practice effective, compassionate communication, and experience intimacy. The story line is a fixed one in most relationships that goes something like this:  Meeting, in-love, romance, passion, pleasure, bliss, dreams, plans, expectations, projections, disappointment, more projections, blame, anger, hurt, more projection, conflict, sometimes despair, END!

Is a battle played out there between the two of you? If the focus is primarily on you: What you think is wrong, what you say that is wrong, what you do that is wrong “how you hurt me, don’t meet my needs, do not fulfill my dreams, how you disappoint, anger, irritate, betray me, how you do not do what I want…you are not what I want, I want out!” This is probably what you know, what you have learned by observing the world around you growing up (except for some TV sitcoms were they portray perfect families/relationships). This model is a sure recipe for failure, unhappiness, and loneliness.

IS THIS ALL THERE IS?  No, of course not!

After the being-in-love stage, (when everything IS positive, beautiful, perfect) the magic lenses (seeing through the eyes of soul/love) come down, you are able to see the “imperfections” of the other, the things that you have not want to see and secretly wished they did not exist. What makes it more complicated is that the other has taken the magic lenses off and sees the “imperfections” in YOU, as well, sometimes the exact same imperfections. What is really going on? If we keep on remembering the idea of the mirror and its reflections, then we can start deciphering the clues. The analogy of the mirror is very powerful because it is such a perfect example of how another person reflects back to us what we are not able to see, yet it is what we need to become aware of before we can make changes. Then we move through other layers in order to achieve the transformation and experience true intimacy: in-to-me-see!

Awareness, conscious awareness is the first key. This is the first movement in the whole process of transformation to be our Essence Self. Awareness happens because of our willingness to examine the reflection that the other person is giving us, as well as examining our thoughts and feelings, without judgment, in a neutral way.
In the new paradigm of Conscious, Evolutionary Relationships, your relationship with your thoughts and feelings has to be of a different nature. Your thoughts and feelings, even the so called negative ones, have a purpose, a function, which is to inform you of what is going on inside of you that needs to be healed, transformed and evolved! Negative thoughts and feelings are a guiding mechanism, a barometer that indicates to you when you are off course, when you are not connected with your natural state of being. Imagine driving your car, and the gas level indicator starts blinking to let you know the gas level is low and you need to refill, do you take the information and act upon it, or do you start stressing out, becoming anxious, depressed, or being angry at it?  Your emotions and thoughts have the same function as the gas level indicator in our car, so instead of being upset and judging yourself for having the emotions, you could, instead, approach them in the following way: “ok, I am feeling______. I am not happy for feeling this way, but let me inquire a little deeper to find out what is going on”. This inquiry serves to clarify what you truly want and need, first and foremost, and can also clarify for you if you are showing up with yourself and the other from false, limiting beliefs and patterns from your less conscious aspect of your mind/consciousness, instead of, your more conscious, aware and mature Self!
All desires and need are a reflection of the ultimate desire for love. When your thoughts and emotions indicate that you are out of alignment with your mature, more developed Self, they serve as a reminder to shift your perception and focus back into aligning yourself with your true Essence self.
To experience authenticity, love, passion, peace, and intimacy, is to find, and connect with the true Self, and the true state of love within.

Medea Chechik

Image Artist Unknown

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